I am just so fed up with people at the moment.
I think I must be like a thirty year old trapped in a fourteen year old's body. I find most people my age immature narrow-minded fuckers and it's really pissing me off.
I hate all this bullshit about 'social status'. Me and my best mate were having a rant about it the other day. Anyone who isn't popular, (i.e. doesn't give a fuck about education, hate their parents, constantly in detention, easy) is regarded as completely faceless and worthless.
For example, one of my friends, Gee, who by the way is stunningly pretty and the nicest person I've ever encountered, had this picture on her bebo profile. It was one day ages ago when me and her had had a sleepover, and got a bit excited with her makeup. I put a line of glittery blue eyeliner on her eyelids and put on red lipstick. (We both have to wear exactly that when we do dance shows because of the stage lighting and all that jazz.) Thing is, she really pulled it off, so the taking the piss out of it really backfired. Anyhoo, we took some photos of us looking 'sexy' and she put a few of them in her album on bebo.
Then this bitchy, popular, scene girl, who quite frankly is as trashy as it gets, took it upon herself to tell Gee what she thought of it. She left a comment saying, and I quote: 'You look like a sixty year old wannabe hooker slapping all that shit on your face. Ugly.' Except it was all spelt so appallingly it was hard to read.
What. The. Fuck? That made me so unbeliavabely angry. I felt like going round and punching her into the ground. But I restrained myself (God knows why).
I left a reply to it though, basically telling her to fuck off and keep her (wrong) opinion to herself.
She took offense to that, and confronted me about how no one tells her to fuck off. So I said no one insults Gee like that for no reason.
Do you know what her excuse was?
PMS.
My God, I could have killed her.
However, in the end, I made her apologise, and I apologised for telling her to fuck off and calling her a slut.
Eleven months on, and one of her friends saw the argument underneath the photo, and got involved, calling all my friends who had also stuck up for Gee, 'ugly', 'stupid nerds' ad other things I refuse to repeat. I had a go at her too, because Gee is too lovely and shy to say anything herself. I did so without actually insulting the girl, just telling her it had all been cleared up ages ago and she had no need to say any of that or even get involved.
She told me it was unacceptable for 'someone like me' to even talk to 'someone like her'. Now I'm not at all intimidated by popularity, so I (rather foolishly, in retrospect) put her straight.
It all resulted in her calling her calling me a 'stupid nerd' (which is rather self contradictory) and a 'pathetic cunt'. How exactly I was being pathetic, I'm not sure. It also resulted in both girls searching for me around school for the week or so before the christmas holidays to try and kill me. Now that is pathetic.
Thing is, I think I mentioned before, I've got this chronic fatigue, and have had for nearly ten months now. I saw a psychiatrist about it a while ago, because aparently my energy levels are linked to my mind. He said that if I'm overly stressed, upset or worried, then it can affect me physically.
It has.
Well, that and the fact that my best friend randomly stopped talking to me over something completely trivial and has practically erased me from her life. I'm lucky I've had Gee and Em and some other friends who have been an amazing support.
But all this has led to me having multiple emotional breakdowns, (one in front of a guy I really like), becoming depressed, and basically a complete mess. I cry over everything at the moment. And surprise surprise, it's all left me incredibely weak.
So weak in fact, that I haven't been able to go back to school since the christmas holidays. I'm having work sent home so I don't fall behind on my GCSE's, because I can't cope with school. Mentally, or physically.
I could just really do without this at the moment to be honest. I'm such a wreck as it is.
